The Problem with Porn

I once had a conversation with a recently converted Christian about the problem with porn. He was actually growing in the Lord and was a fine person. Yet he not only looked at porn regularly, but forwarded porn to friends of his. He was aware that the frequency of his porn use might be getting out of control. But it wasn’t clear to him that porn in itself was problematic, as a human being and particularly as a Christian.

As in so many areas, society’s view of porn is extremely muddled. Certain types of porn, most would agree, are wrong, such as child porn. The reasoning is that children can’t give full consent, so any use of them for pornography is exploitative. Most people would also agree that pornography in which the subject is being forced to do sexual acts or assume sexual poses is also wrong: the problem, again, is that the person is not consenting. Finally, most would agree that incest-based pornography is also problematic: but porn and erotic literature are available (I was recently disturbed to learn) in which the subject is sexual acts between parents and their children. Although the sons or daughters in such depictions are purportedly neither minors, nor actual relatives of those they are having sex with, the portrayal is purposely ambiguous enough to leave the viewer wondering.

One would suppose that few committed Christians, and only a minority of non-Christians, would see the above types of pornography as okay. But the problem with obtaining sexual gratification from anyone we’re not married to is not nearly as clear to many. For example, some Christians believe that viewing pornography with their spouses as a kind of foreplay is acceptable. But, for men especially, who get sexual gratification from viewing images, this is simply a kind of adultery: it is inviting strangers into the marital bed. Other Christians frequently see movies (there’s no lack of such movies!) depicting sexual scenes between people who are not married; or movies in which the characters are very immodestly dressed. It doesn’t have to be full frontal nudity or outright porn: anything that gets me lusting after someone I’m not married to is a problem from the get-go.

In his excellent book, Every Man’s Battle, Fred Yoeker writes about his growing realization of the Christian call to sexual purity: rigorous, yet freeing. Before his realization, he never looked at porn – but saw no problem with browsing the women’s lingerie ads or watching movies – “R”, not X-rated – with content he found arousing. But he learned, eventually, to “bounce” his eyes to avoid occasions of sin for him, such as provocative billboards, female joggers, and quick glances below the neckline of female acquaintances. Up to reading his book, I’d felt pretty secure in my practice of sexual purity: his insights helped me realize that my standards had been a bit worldlier than I’d thought, and that Yoeker’s were far more biblically accurate – and attainable! A sort of humorous sidenote: as husbands resolve to honor their marriage by keeping their sexual interest for their wives alone, their appreciation of – and yes, attraction for – their wives increases. Yoeker noted that his own wife was not precisely alarmed, but surprised at the intensity of his desire for her, once she became its sole focus.

The destruction that porn has wreaked on countless marriages and families is extremely well-documented. Porn addiction is a “pandemic”, to quote one expert, taking a toll in every country with easy web access A host of books (e.g., Out of the Shadows, by Patrick Carnes) highlight the suffering porn addicts and their families undergo. Yet in its excruciating political correctness, and despite overwhelming evidence, the DSM-V (the “bible” of mental disorders for mental health professionals) still refuses to consider sex addiction or porn addictions as mental disorders. Makes the blood boil.

The damage to the soul that porn causes is harder to quantify. As I explained to my acquaintance, the heart of the problem with porn is that it dehumanizes those we lust after: we take the unique “I” that each human being is, and reduce him or her to an “it”. We forget that this woman or man is somebody’s daughter, son, sister, brother, or perhaps mother or father. We forget that our use of these people may be taking advantage of whatever so disordered their sexuality that they are willing to sexualize themselves publicly for strangers’ “enjoyment”. Were they abused? Numbed? What happened that they would so lose their human dignity or sense of themselves? By reducing the person to an “it” to arouse myself, I repeat that victimization.

This is evil, because it precisely reverses how God relates to us. To Him, we are always “subjects” – that is, acting, feeling, willing selves, with hopes, fears, gifts, and faults of our own; never simply “objects”. We are never “means” for Him: only “ends”. Every human being is created to be loved: not to be a rag with which I mop up my sexual desire. The face-to-faceness of deepest marital intimacy is no accident. When spouses make love, each gazes in the other’s eyes. Each sees the other, in gratitude, delight, and love. This is how God made us to be with each other; it is a marvelous preparation for when we see Him face to face.

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About admin

I am a Catholic clinical psychologist with a solo practice in Omaha, NE. In the Franciscan seminary, I completed about 2/3rd of an M.Div./MA in Scripture. In my 3rd year of temporary vows, I discerned a call to the married life. My lovely wife Mary and I have a son, Michael, as well as a number of children preceding us to Heaven through miscarriages. We are delighted to be in the Omaha archdiocese and love the Heartland.
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